The Big Plank

I found a plank in my eye today.

How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Luke 6:42

After my midlife crisis post about the tattoo that I recently got to celebrate being brave, I got a note from a friend that was very interested in getting a tattoo herself. She told me that she was being a wimp though because she was too afraid of what other people would think about it. I thought to myself “that is so crazy.” Why on earth would she be so concerned about what others thought of her getting a tattoo? I just didn’t get it. There were several reasons why it took me so long to get a tattoo, but being concerned about what other people thought did not even make the list.

I have no idea what the underlying reason is that is causing my friend to feel this way, and I am, by no means, trying to analyze her heart. But her comment was so thought provoking that it ended up taking me into the depths my own heart.

I don’t care worth a hoot what other people think about my awesome tattoo, but the truth is, there are plenty of other things that stop me dead in my tracks because I am too concerned about what others are going to think of me.

I won’t write every day, or finish projects that I want to publish because I’m afraid that others will think I am a terrible writer and I have less than stellar grammar skills.

           

I won’t give people compliments because I’m afraid that coming from me they will mean nothing.

I won’t tell you what I really think because I’m afraid I may come across as ignorant or too emotional.

I won’t reach out to you and be a good friend because I’m afraid that you are not interested.

I work overtime looking for cute clothes that ma disguise          how fat I look.

I work so I can buy cute clothes.

I wear make-up because I don’t want to look like a slob.

I’m nervous when you are around my children and me. What if they mess up and make me look bad?

The list is longer. I need to stop here.

Then, the truth hit me like a big heavy plank on the head.

Your speck is nothing but a chip that came straight from my own plank. You see, the insecurities that we worry about the most are the very things that we are critical and judgmental about with other people.

Truth is:

When I read your work I’m critical and wonder why you would even bother pushing the publish button. Just keep it to yourself (like I do). Or, you write so well that I am afraid of you and I believe that you are judging me like I judge others.

When you compliment me I secretly think I’m better than you.

When I hear you speak your mind, I don’t always listen because I’m busy trying to find a flaw so I can be right and you wrong. I want to be smarter than you.

I don’t really know if I want to be your friend, you may be too high maintenance, just like me.

You look fat in that.

You really should take better care of yourself.

When I’m around your children, I’m judging you as a mother.

Yuck… Did I just say that out loud?

We want to be accepted and loved for who we are. We don’t want to be judged. Yet this is how we spend out time. Hating, envying and judging.

There is a master engineer that is an expert plank remover, bolder remover, even speck remover. He has also been known to pry stones out of ones hands.

As we learn to accept the no-strings-attached, unconditional love of this master, we will become better no-strings-attached lovers ourselves. Our planks will begin to fall. And as if they were magnets, the specks of others will magically cling to them and go away.

Next time you notice someone’s speck, ask yourself this question: Did that speck come from my own plank? Am I just looking into a mirror that is reflecting my own insecurities and shortcomings?

As I continue to embrace this master and my planks fall, and the specks disappear

I will read your work and appreciate God’s creative beauty, I will also believe in my own.

I will give you a compliment because I love you. You are a beautiful creation of His hands. What I’m really doing is giving him a compliment. Therefore, when you give me one, I can honestly be grateful to receive the compliment of the work of his hands.

I will listen and respect your thoughts and opinions. I will learn from you.

I will be a true friend.

           

I will enjoy your beauty and God’s perfect creative work through you.

I will love you, hold your hand, and let you hold mine through this joyous and difficult journey of motherhood.

We are all in this together. There is one who can keep our eyes clear, clean and beautiful.

Do YOU want to be well?

Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years.  When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

 “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”
 Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked. John 5:3-9

I read this story and ask myself the same question you are probably asking yourself. Why on earth would Jesus ask this poor sick man if he wants to get well? Do I? Do I? Are you kidding me?

Truth is, this story isn’t just about an invalid man that Jesus heals. This story is about me; this story is about you. And dear friends, Jesus is on to us.

At some point in time in our lives, to some extent or another, we have been blind, lame and mostly, or at the very least, feeling paralyzed. I know I have. We have all been emotionally wounded and left to lie near the pool at Bethesda. What takes you to these promising waters? A broken relationship? A troubled childhood? A devastating loss that you feel like you will never get over? A failure in life that you can’t let go of? An emotional “thorn” that won’t go away? We all have a story. We have all been lying there in our story for thirty-eight years, ten years, two months, completely impaired and devastated. Sometimes life seems hopeless and lonely, and although we lie in hope of a miracle, we seem unaware of the fact that Jesus sees us. He sees us, knows us, and will never, ever pass us by. We are so wrapped up in our pitiful selves that we don’t even realize that he is, indeed, asking us this very same question.

Do you want to be well?

Trouble is, even though we think it is a crazy- rhetorical at best- question, it actually is a very legitimate one.

Whatever being well means to you, will, most definitely, change your life. Do you think and truly believe that you are ready for that kind of change? Are you ready to be well? In this story, we don’t know how old this man actually is. We do know, however, that he has been there, in the same spot, every day, for the past 38 years! Once this man is healed, his life will never be the same. What will he do now? His life will no longer be about waiting for the waters to stir. What will it be about? Does he understand the implications of what will happen when it is no longer just him and his mat? Does he understand that he will have to go, put one foot in front of the other and make new decisions, breathe a different life, and do something new with his time? His life will now be consumed with new thoughts, new ideas and perceptions. His legs will take him to new places, places he has never gone to before. Will he know what to do? Will he know how to act? Will he know whom to talk to, and what to talk about?

What I find most fascinating about this story is not the fact that Jesus asks this man if he wants to be well (duh…) what is eye opening is the fact that the guy never really answers him! He immediately begins to give Jesus excuses and tries to justify himself for not being well already, as if it was up to him.

Somewhere deep within us, and I believe, deep within this man, we understand that perhaps we are ill prepared for what may lie ahead of us if this healing comes to fruition.

Are you sure you want that change? On the mat life is simple, predictable. We hold on to the hope that the waters will stir. Holding on to hope is safe; watching our hope come to life is scary. On the mat we have the freedom to blame others for our failures but when we are whole, we will be out of excuses.
You will no longer be the “Invalid at the pool” that just sits and waits. You will now be the healed woman that can walk! Are you ready to walk?

How many times do we ask for healing? How many times do we ask for the thorn to be removed? How many times do we wonder what our life would be like if only…? but then the healer sees us and asks us this question.

Do you want to be well?

But our answer is not yes. Our answer is:

No one is here for me.

I’m waiting for “something” to happen.

I’m trying but others get in my way.

Why can’t we just say yes?

Honey, he sees you. He knows you need healing. He’s heard how long you have been there. He has not passed you by. He has not overlooked you. What you don’t realize is that even though he has asked if you want to be well, and you gave him excuses, he has healed you already.

The man never asks Jesus to heal him. Jesus never tells him he is healed. He just is! He gets up and at that moment he is cured.
You no longer have to wait for others. You no longer have to hold on to some hope of waters stirring.

What is your answer?

DO you want to be well?

Welcome to my Midlife Crisis

There are two semi crazy, daring things I have wanted to do for years. You can call it a midlife crisis or the guts of a more mature woman that sent me over the edge and made me brave enough to follow through with the insanity. Not only have I done the deeds, but now I also dare to be brave enough to share them with you, and bold enough to be proud of them.

First. Three weeks ago…. wait for it…..I….wait for it…..got…..a Tattoo!

Oh Yes! I Did.

As if experiencing the pain of having gallstones, kidney stones, and birthing two children without any pain medication were not enough, I decided to put myself through this ultimate test of torture. Actually, I hate to admit it, but compared to all of the above, it was just a walk in the park. Think: bad sunburn, sharp piece of glass. Pain, but nothing like pushing a child through my birth canal!

My tattoo is written in Hebrew, and it says: “Oh! Mighty man of valor.” Most Bible translations read “Mighty warrior.” If you have been reading my blog you will know exactly why I chose those words. If not, then let me encourage you to go HERE and read through the 5 posts I wrote about Gideon and on being brave. If you are just too lazy to go through it all, feel free to cheat and just read THIS post. It says enough for you to understand where I’m coming from.

My initial idea was to just write the word “warrior”. I was a little apprehensive, thinking It would sound to much like the “princess warrior”, you know, as in, Xena. But I identified so much with that word, and it spoke so loudly to me that I was willing to do it anyway. As I was sharing my idea with my son Isaac, who is 14 years old now (By the way, I just earned myself some major cool mom points on this one! If your kids think you are not cool, which they do, get a tattoo. Seriously. I’m riding this one as far as I can go, I’m sure it won’t last long. Unfortunately the minute I begin to bust some moves and try to dance, because I love to dance, (and really, I’m not that bad at it) my cool balloon will be deflated before you can say ouch!) Uh, where was I? My cool 14 year old suggested that I have something done in another language. Genius! I was so thrilled with the idea, and he was thrilled to have suggested it. What better than to have the very words that God spoke to Gideon written in its original language? I did quite a bit of research, which turned out to be a waste of time. It had not occurred to me that I have a brilliant father-in-law that has Doctorates in all kinds of stuff, including Theology, and has studied extensively in Greek and Hebrew. He had a Hebrew font installed on his computer and printed out these words for me to hand to my tattoo artist.

About a week after I got my tattoo I was reading a blog post. I learned a fascinating thing about one of the words written on my wrist. The word translated for “warrior”, or “man of valor” in Judges is the word “chayil”. It's the word on the left. This word just so happens to be the same word used to describe the woman in Proverbs 31. The woman of “noble character” is actually a woman of valor, a warrior. Who knew?  A part of me wishes that I had had the “female” version written on me, but the more I thought about it, the less I regretted my choice. Gideon is my man, and the words spoken to him are the words spoken to me.

Now I see, and therefore I hear the words of God that I desperately need to hear every single day, several times a day. You, my dear, are a warrior. You are more that you think you are. And I can do way more for and with you than you can possibly imagine.

 Beautiful! Is it not?

 

The second brave thing I did, this one only a week ago, was get my hair cut. Again, shorter yet. I’m thrilled.

I have short hair!

Years, years I have waited for this. And well, I’m getting used to it. In the pictures you can’t tell how short it is in the back. It is, it’s really short, shorter than I have ever had it.

OH! I wonder what could be next!

A new career? A new car? A new kid? Liposuction?

Cheers to the Midlife!



What bothers you?

I hate it when I feel like my kids are beginning to cringe every time I call their name; when I can tell they are thinking, “what have I done now?” I feel so guilty about the fact that I have been noticing all of the negative stuff and have made a point to call them out on it.  I can’t seem to notice all of the good, much less take the time to praise them for it. This week I have really been trying to minimize any negative that I may notice and go out of my way to look for as much positive as I can find. I want my kids to love to hear their names and know that I find great joy in being their mother. Shocking what I have discovered, they really are great kids!

Anyway, in an attempt to adopt the motto “if you don’t have anything good to say don’t say anything at all” to my kids, my hormonal wrath has been in need of some sort of outlet. I have been channeling therefore, all of my frustration away from my children and have directed it straight toward the world at large. I am a pretty easygoing gal that doesn’t get too revved up about much at all; but there are a few things that get under my skin. I thought it would be fun to share them with you, just because.

Here are my top 10 pet peeves. If none apply to you then when I call out your name you will know that you have done nothing wrong, no need to cringe, and all is good between the two of us.

• Skinny Jeans should only be worn by skinny people, preferably young, skinny people.

• I hate dull knives. Sharpen them if you want me to cut something.

• Unless my child or you are in imminent danger DO NOT tell him what he can and cannot do at the grocery store, park, restaurant, or wherever. You may watch and have as many judgmental thoughts as you wish. You may silently thank God or your lucky stars that he is not your child. But woman, I am standing right here! Back off! (this really no longer applies to me really, but it still annoys me and it annoys me for all of the mothers of young children of the world)

• Don’t wear your PJ’s and slippers to Wal-Mart. No make-up is acceptable (right?), but for heaven’s sake, put on some clothes!

• Don’t ask me to make something and then tell me how to make it, unless of course I ask you to. Do you trust me or not? If not, then don’t bother asking me.

• If you walk out of a restroom without washing your hands you can’t possibly expect me to not have judgmental thoughts about you. Eeeeeww

• Unless we are in a very loud place DO NOT eat an apple in front of me. DO NOT chew on ice. Just don’t.

• What is the deal with the word “literally”? I believe the word you are looking for is figuratively. No, you did not just “literally” jump out of your skin or pull your hair out. Your heart did not just “literally” break in two, if it would have you would be dead. You are not “literally” starving or freezing to death. Don’t tell me you literally just ran two miles. I would believe you even without that added, unnecessary, abused word.

• If you are not going to sit on the toilet to pee in the public restroom please grab a little piece of tissue and lift up the seat. If you expect your husbands and sons to do so at home then surely you can extend the same courtesy to people like me who know that you can’t possibly catch a disease by sharing a little bit of thigh space. SIT or LIFT up the seat.  Simple.

Don’t even get me started. I actually wrote on the topic a couple of years ago. Please read further HERE. I may have to write a book about it some day. Oh, it makes me so mad….

Have a blessed day. Tell your kids how great they are, and tell your friend that those skinny jeans are just called Skinny Jeans, they don’t actually make her look skinny.

Dear Me

An amazing writer and blogger Emily Freeman has just published her second book: Graceful: Letting go of Your Try-Hard Life, a book written for teenage girls. Although I haven't read this book yet, I have read her first book Grace for the GoodGirl: Letting go of the Try-Hard Life, a book that I highly recommend. On her blog Chattingat the Sky she has invited her readers to join in in writing a letter to our teenage selves. I found out that I had quite a bit to tell my 16-year-old self. I never would have thought it would be so hard, tearful, and… healing. This here is only a glimpse of what came forth from my aching heart. Although I still don’t want to let go of her, she has taught me much, and I am grateful to her for making me who I have become today.

My heart aches for you right now because I know that you will never receive this letter. If you were to receive it and heed to my advice I would probably be a different person right now. I guess, however, that it will be okay that you don’t get it. I am okay. Fortunately we have a Savior that works all things together for good and also is great at restoring joy and healing wounds.

You are 16 now and you have lived such a delightful, life. The land where your parents were called to serve, that lovely place where you were born and raised, Chile, will be in your heart forever. Keep savoring every inch of it every second you are there. Although you’ve got this down pat, I will say it anyway: delight yourself in you friends, they adore you. But, what you don’t have down pat is this: delight yourself in your mom. After you leave home she gets very sick. Her illness will last for many years. It will be very painful not just for her, but watching her deteriorate the way she does is incredibly devastating to you, so much so that it will become too hard for you to get close to her. Please Susan, cherish her, love on her and don’t pull away from her. She will need you; she wants to be close to you. Talk to her; ask her questions; cry with her, laugh with her. By the time you are 26 she will have lost control over most of her motor skills, she won’t be able to talk to you although she will long to. And by the time you are 31 she will be gone…you need her desperately, don’t suppress that. Yes it will be excruciatingly painful to lose her, but losing her after withdrawing from her because you can’t handle the thought of losing her some day will be even worse. Go, go hug her NOW.

And speaking of your mom, although she was a wonderful mom and a very worthy woman to have as a role model, let me tell you something. Right now I am the same age she was when I was your age. I can assure you, she so does not have it all together. She is probably insecure, and scared. She most likely feels unprepared, unworthy and like she is a total mess. She needs to know that you think she is a wonderful mother and that she has done a super job raising her children. Don’t assume she knows that. Tell her. I know you think she is perfect and untouchable. She isn’t. You will live your life trying to be her, but because you think she is perfect you will never succeed. You will feel depressed and unworthy. You will never be her but don’t worry, you don’t need to be. You are who God made you to be, embrace it, and embrace Him. What she has is Jesus; any perfection you see in her is really Him. Don’t live your life seeking perfection; live your life seeking Him. Seek his grace.

That whisper you keep hearing that is telling you to breakup with your boyfriend is a wise whisper. Please listen to your instinct.  He is a good guy, but believe it or not, he is not for you. You will not be a bad person if you break up with him. Trust me, you will be sparing both of you a lot of pain.

Sorry I’m too late to tell you to choose a different orthodontist. You will unfortunately spend many more hours in his waiting room. He is so rude, I know. I’m so proud of you for taking that whole initiative, picking your orthodontist, making your appointments and keeping them. You did a super job owning that responsibility. I brag about you all the time. Your independence will pay off later. I’m sorry to tell you that you won’t have your braces off till after graduation. But you will look amazing. In the end it will have been worth those ugly 4 years. Your mom is going to take this great picture of you the day you get them off.  It’s one of your favorites; so, don’t give her an attitude about it.

When you go off to college your soul will be crushed. I guess you know that, you sense it and you are already starting to feel the dread starting to creep in. Once you get to the States I urge you to begin to embrace your new life there, it really wouldn’t be so bad if you let yourself enjoy it. By accepting this new life you won’t be betraying your old one; you won’t be betraying your old friends or betraying who you are. Your life in Chile will always be a part of you and you will forever have priceless memories of a happy childhood, but it is okay to begin making new memories of a happy adult life.

I wish you could see that not all Americans are shallow and materialistic. They have beautiful needy souls just like yours. Get off your judgmental high horse and love them in the same way you want them to love you.

Don’t withdraw, the hole you will dig has been a lonely place to live in, so please listen, it’s okay to let go and move on.  Don’t allow the enemy to steal your joy.

Your mom and dad, your classmates, and your best friends aren’t the only ones that are capable of loving you and accepting you just the way you are. Allow yourself to develop new deep friendships even at the risk of losing them. Allow yourself to love your children with total abandon even at the risk of being ignored and hurt. Open up to your sisters even at the risk of feeling like a child again. Remember that they grew up in the same home as you did. They will understand.

Your husband is amazing. You will have an unbelievably happy marriage. He will love you more and better than anyone ever has. I really won’t give you any advice because you will pick the right one and truly become natural at this marriage thing. Your future mother-in-law has been praying for you all of your life. She probably prayed for you today. Your mom has been praying for your husband all of your life as well. I am convinced that your marital success is due to their dedicated prayers. It would do your children well if you do the same for them.

The first time you meet your husband is in the school cafeteria where you work, you will make him a sandwich. That is all I’m sayin’. The rest needs to be a surprise.

As a mother you will experience joy and pain like none other. It really doesn’t matter what I say to you now about parenting because there is nothing that will ever prepare you for motherhood. Nothing.

Relax and enjoy your boys (oops, did I just let that slip?) Laugh more and frown less. Don’t focus on trying to make them good kids so that you will look good; focus instead on learning how to love them better every day. They will never be perfect; don’t take it personally.

Food is not a good comforter. Being thin isn't either. It also won’t make you a better person or make people like you more. If you would remember those two things you will spare me years of yo-yo dieting.

Susan, don’t leave joy behind. Please take it with you.

Explore Grace.

Ask God to search your heart and restore your soul.

Don’t worry about what to do. Focus on what you believe. Believe God. Believe truth. If you believe truth, you will do the right thing.

Love,

You

Age 43

P.S.

For heavens sake child, stop laying out in the sun and getting those sunburns. You look awful when your eyes swell; it is not worth it. You will never, ever tan. Never, so stop trying! I wish you could see the wrinkles you have given me. Your mom is right. Make her happy and make me happy too; put on some sun block and wear a hat.

I thought it would be cool to share this awesome historical moment with you, readers. In April of 1986 I was 16 years old. About 15-20 miles from where we lived was a very rural area where on clear nights you could see every star in the sky. A breathtaking place to be, I must say.

Lucky us, this was a clear night, and what I am looking at in this photo is none other than Halley's Comet.



on procrastination and perfectionism (Part 2)

Perfectionism goes deeper still. I read in a book the other day that said perfectionism at its core is trying to earn the acceptance and approval of others. Ouch! Did that hit you as hard as it just hit me?

As I take a sober look at my imperfection I tend to make the huge mistake of equating imperfect with inadequate. And who wants to be perceived as inadequate? So I find myself in the business of image management. Next time someone asks me if I have a job or work outside the home I will say yes, I have a full time job as a perfectionist, an image manager. It is a very high stress, exhausting job. I keep telling myself I need to quit, but I’m a workaholic and I just can’t help myself. Your opinion of me is just too important to me; I’m trapped in this job. My reputation and the essence of my being are at stake here. And if there is any chance of you perceiving me as anything less than perfect, or at the very least, better than you, then it is time to put in some overtime hours. It is during those overtime hours that I revert to the defense mechanism of procrastination. When all else fails, leave it unfinished. Works like a charm.

I put it off because I am just not willing to take the risk of being rejected in any way shape or form. I’ll keep it unfinished and keep all of you in the dark; you will never know how imperfect I really am!! Ha!

Who am I kidding?

I am a completely imperfect total mess.

And since I have worked on this post for days and I can’t come up with an inspiring ending, I of course procrastinated, left it unfinished and made myself this necklace.

I know you are just loving the bubbles at the bottom. You have no idea how hard it was for me to not rip the whole thing out and start all over again. I decided, however, to leave it imperfect.

on procrastination and perfectionism (Part 1)

Why do you procrastinate? What does your procrastination look like?

For most of us, most of the time, procrastination is just an avoidance or delay of the discomfort that one will incur by performing the task at hand. I don’t want to wash the dishes because I’m tired. So I procrastinate. I watch TV instead. I don’t want to clean the bathroom because it is nasty, and I get hot every time I clean the bathrooms. I procrastinate. I go swimming instead. I don’t want to struggle anymore with this piece that I’m writing. I procrastinate. I sweep the kitchen floor instead. I don’t want to fix dinner; I don’t even want to think about cooking dinner. I procrastinate. I play sudoku instead.

Let me tell ya’, I am a master procrastinator.

I have been noticing lately all of the unfinished projects that I have and all of the other ones that have not even made it from my brain to something you can actually see, feel or touch. I began to ask myself, what on earth is going on here? Why is it that I find so many things to do and so few of them to finish?

I really didn’t like the answer to my questions. I noticed that sometimes, most of the time, it wasn’t that I was just delaying the discomfort of the task; there was something much deeper that I was running from. Even though I didn’t like my answers, I’m going to share it with you anyway. Perhaps we could all benefit from looking deeper into what makes us procrastinate.

I noticed that when I procrastinate, what I’m really doing is delaying the Imperfect.

One of my many menacing issues in life is a constant struggle with perfectionism. Do I have any sisters out there? (no need for my real sisters to answer that question, we each came by it honestly, and just for the record, they are worse than me. Just kidding.)

My mind is very good at conjuring up all kinds of wonderful masterpieces, or if I can’t come up with any of my own, through pinterest and a plethora of other fabulous creative blogging women I have plenty of marvelous projects in my mind that are just waiting to be tackled.

The problem is, because I tend to be such a perfectionist, once I begin a job, sooner or later I start to notice that the final result is not going to be this perfect thing that I had envisioned. The next logical step then, in my mind, is to stop, drop and roll away.

Accepting the fact that I am imperfect and that everything I ever do is going to be imperfect is really hard. I fight this all of the time. I find that the best defense I have against imperfection is just to leave it incomplete. It is much easier to say, “it isn’t finished” than “it’s not perfect”.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a firm believer in excellence in everything we do and giving the best we possibly can. But if we spend our lives trying to be perfect, we will never be able to enjoy the imperfect, which is pretty much everything, so we can’t enjoy life the way we were supposed to enjoy it. We skip from one unfinished project to another and all we have to show for it is frustration; Or if we do finish, discontentment instead of a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.

Solomon in the midst of all his toiling wisely discovered this truth in Ecclesiastes 2:24.

Nothing is better for a man than that he should eat and drink, and that his soul should enjoy good in his labor. This also, I saw, was from the hand of God.

In a small nutshell, our work is a gift from God; our souls are to enjoy our work, not the end result. If the perfect end result is what we are aiming for, since it will always be imperfect we won’t be able to enjoy it.

Do your best; don’t put it off. Enjoy away in your good labor, it is, after all, “from the hand of God.” Offer it up to the Lord.

Then, delight yourself in his perfection.