This past weekend a friend and I set up shop at a small, out in the boonies craft show to see how our stuff would do. I asked Diane, my very talented and artistic friend, to come and join me because I knew she would be of much help as far as set up was concerned and because it would also give her the impetus to get her business on a roll because she is such a talented artist and she needed a little push. Her jewelry is very different from mine and we figured our stuff would work well together.
After going over the mountain and through the hills, feeling nauseous and loosing all contact with civilization (no cell phone reception) we arrived at the Kyles Ford Auction House. A small warehouse/garage type building with concrete floors and no heat! Thinking immediately that this had been a huge mistake, I decide to just smile and set forth with the task at hand.
So here is our little set up.
Well, I will just get to the point. I learned this weekend two things about myself. Two things that I really already knew, but somehow when we are put in certain situations throughout our lives, these situations tend to shine a brighter light onto these truths about who we are and how we are.
First, unfortunately I realized that my insecurities run VERY deep. I know that we all have insecurities, we fight these all of the time, yet, at least with me, when I can stay in my little world I tend to know how to overcome or at least deal with these insecurities. Boy, the moment I stepped into this situation which way out of my world and my comfort zone I felt like I was wearing a huge sign on my forehead. "I am a total looser". I found myself feeling what I feel often, ehem... I don't belong here, do I? The comparison game begins and never wants to end. I begin to believe the lie. The same lie that Eve believed, It's that lie that says: "I am being cheated!" Eve believed that God was withholding from her, and so do we. This person and such have this that or the other, and I don't. Yep, That is what we believe. I will speak of the lie often, because it tends to pop up everywhere, and in every situation possible, it's constant, unrelenting...
So now I find myself fighting the lie. The best way to fight a lie of course is with truth. So what IS true is that he did give them something that I don't have, however, I also know that he gave me something that they don't have. And for the past couple of days, since I have been back home, I have been able to be so joyful in those things, and along with it Thankful, VERY thankful. I saw also a lot of pain, loneliness and selfishness.
You know, I learned that I am not an artist, I'm just a wanna be, but I enjoy what I do and I love who God has created me to be. I love that I am able to have the time and resources to "have my fun" and enjoy in the adventure of learning and exploring God's Creativity.
I also learned that I may actually be more of an introvert that I thought. I am not a shy person at all. I have no problem standing in front of a crowd and doing whatever I need to do. But oh my word, put me in a place with lots of people and tell me to get to know people and mingle. Please no, please no!
You see, an extrovert is energized by people, the more the merrier, and they love it, they thrive. Us introverts although not necessarily shy would much rather be home bodies doing our thing without being bothered. Being with lots of people for too long is so draining! Now don't get me wrong, I love my friends and I do love people, I'm not exactly a hermit, and don't shy away from me out of fear of overstepping my comfort zone. It's just that opposite of an extrovert, us introverts get energized by being alone. I don't even like to listen to music much (I know, I am the oddity, don't shute me!) Solitude is healing and joyful.
So as you can imagine, by the time it was time to go home, I was over it. Please let me just lie in my bed, get my feet warm and have my hubby come and love on me. I even told him "I really don't want to go to church tomorrow honey, I'm so sick of people!" I know, I'm so bad. I did go, but left early. I was able to enjoy some wonderful (productive) solitude the rest of the day. And come Monday morning I was ready to go to work. Had a great day!
So there you go, two things that I learned about myself, and perhaps two things that you learned about me that you didn't know.
By the way, my husband and my youngest child are introverts as well. My poor 12 year old is an extrovert to perfection. Poor guy! I do try, honestly.