on worship (part 2)

Make sure you read Part 1 First.

Make up sex.

There is a reason we have that term. Make up sex has magical healing powers. Don’t tell me it doesn’t because if it didn’t, we wouldn’t have that fantastic term in the first place. Make up sex, the very best kind. You know it!

Have you ever noticed that when you go for long periods of time without having sex with your spouse a drift begins to form between the two of you? Sometimes the drift appears when sex is absent, other times sex becomes scarce and then the drift begins to emerge.  Either way when there is no sex true intimacy is hard to achieve, where there is no intimacy walls start to go up and true closeness is hard to come by. You argue more, your selfishness escalates and your willingness to give evaporates. You blow up and have the big fight.  But then… you have make up sex.  Sex not only creates intimacy like no other loving act on earth, but it is also a healing salve to our wounded and disconnected souls. When this kind of intimacy occurs, it’s magical healing starts to take place. 

 Does that sound familiar? I find that in my own spiritual journey the more selfish and self focused I am the harder it is to worship, because worship is about God, not about me. When I don’t worship and I become self centered my resentment and a lack of understanding of my relationship with God begins to deepen. At this point I am only interested in taking instead of giving myself to him. Do you see the connection?

Worship puts an end to wherever the cycle had degraded. Worship heals and reconciles. Worship is about giving. Worship takes the focus off of self and it gives to what it loves. The more we give ourselves to what and whom we love, the more joy we experience. Sex is the same way.

Just like in sexual intimacy, pleasure is to be given, but pleasure is also to be received.

As we recognize who we are in Christ and receive his precious gift of salvation, peace, love, joy and hope we are able to thank him and acknowledge him as the giver through worship. It gives us great pleasure in doing so and, it gives him great pleasure to receive it. He delights himself in you! You are his bride! He chose you. He died for you for the joy set before him (Heb. 12:2).  You are the apple of his eye.

Go and practice the healing power of sexual intimacy if you wish. But mostly I urge you to go practice the healing power of Worship as you give yourself to the Living God and connect with him like never before. Delight yourself in him and enjoy as he delights in you.

on worship, an act of trust (part 1)

Take a deep breath here and stay with me. Warning. This is a very candid post.

This is actually a re-post from about a year and a half ago that I felt like sharing again. I edited it slightly and as I pondered more about the subject matter I decided to write a second part that I will be publishing some time next week. Stay tuned if you are not scandalized by the subject matter!

Here we go.

I read a long time ago in a Beth Moore study about prayer life and how it can be likened to marital intimacy. Although I agree with her because there is a great bit of intimacy in prayer, I tend to agree more with John Eldredge.

In his book "The Journey of Desire" he wrote a chapter titled: "The grand affair".

He writes:

"For us creatures of the flesh, sexual intimacy is the closest parallel we have to real worship"

Stop here and let me say this. I hope you are married so you can better understand what I am going to write about. I also hope that you are as blessed as I am with a very healthy marriage. I am married to the most wonderful man on earth for me. My husband, although he is not perfect and he doesn't always "get me", he loves me very well. He is my best friend, my companion, he is good at lifting me up, taking care of me, and he is a wonderful giving lover.

Although Eldridge does a way better job at going deep into this, he really helped me understand the discipline of worship in a whole new light. I got to thinking about sexual intimacy and what it requires of us. Lets face it, if you are truly going to experience great sexual intimacy with your husband there are a few things that are kind of required, or else it may not be all that healthy of a relationship.

First of all I need to feel very secure in the love and loyalty that my husband has toward me. That is something that he has proven over and over in the 21 years of our marriage. My husband is faithful.

Are you secure in the fact that God loves you, that he is loyal to you; he wishes no harm to you. Can you see how he has shown himself faithful to you all these years?

Second, it's kind of hard to have sex with your clothes on! You have to take it all off. For some crazy reason my husband thinks that I am the sexiest, most desirable person on the face of this earth. I know that and I BELIEVE it! I know that I am not perfect; he knows that I am not perfect, yet he STILL wants me. He still treasures me, and when I understand that it is way easier for me to take it all off and still have the light on. I have nothing to hide.

Do you think that God loves you and treasures you? Do you know that you can "take it all off" and he will still love you where you are, with the “extra pounds” the not so perfect “figure”, with the "cellulite" or "varicose veins". If you don't feel like he will take you as you are, then you will have a hard time taking it all off. You will go through the motions and never know what it feels like to be "naked" in his perfect presence yet still be treasured in your imperfect being. Don't be ashamed in the presence of God, delight in him and let him delight in you!

Lastly, to have great sex you must give it your all. There is no holding back. You could call it complete abandon.

All of this requires TRUST. I believe that that is the bottom line in worship. It is why I think that worship is an act not only of adoration, but also one of trust, an expression of trust. "I not only love you and adore you Lord, you are the creator of the Universe and of me. You are powerful and mighty, but also I trust you and I GIVE myself fully to you with complete abandon."

How can you believe, take it all off and be naked in the presence of God if you don't trust him? Don't worry about what it looks like on the outside, or what others seem to be doing, ask yourself: Do I trust you, God, with myself? Then give yourself completely to him, no holding back.

The Mermaid is naked!

My beloved husband just had a birthday. In order to protect his identity and his pride innocence I feel obligated to withhold his actual age.

Neither Mike or I am very good about giving gifts. If we want something, we just buy it. We buy our own toys, we pretty much don't trust each other with our very specific, picky tastes. This is how it usually goes:

 Text from me to Mike: I just finally found an amazing dutch oven that I have been wanting for years, and it's less than half the price of any other I have seen it! Wouldn't you love to get it for me for Christmas?

Answer from Mike: Buy it!

Mike does the same thing, he will either get something himself, or hand me over a flyer or web link so I can  get exactly what he specifically wants. This birthday was no different. I got him the leather wallet and leather book cover that he instructed me to get. The only thing I chose was the color. Thank goodness he like it! He was happy as can be and I was a proud wife.

Years (and years) ago Mike came upon some hideous little mermaid brass hook. Neither one of us even remembers where she came from, but I'm quite certain she surfaced some time during the 1990s.  There is no other way I could explain my disdain for her. I hated that mermaid. We would have fights over her. He wanted to hang her, but I refused to fold to the pressure to display of that THING! Are you kidding me? She is UGLY! And CHEESY! This is my castle and she will not be displayed anywhere where I can see her. Take her to your office, hang her there (by the neck!)

Poor girl. Here she is tucked away in his drawer. He refuses to let go of her.

Through the years she has become such a classic token of our difference in taste. (Please remember that this is the same guy that wears suspenders and safety glasses. Thank goodness I have at least trained him to not go out in public looking like that.)

So the other day, my good neighbor friend and I decided to go to our local flea market. In the back of my mind I could remember that the last time we had gone I had seen some interesting mermaids, and thought perhaps it would be a fantastic joke of a gift to get him. However, for some reason I had talked myself out of buying him one. This time, however, this enchantress - she beckoned me, and like a true mermaid does she sang to me, and bewitched me. I couldn't resist. Suddenly she was beautiful and alluring...oh my, she is naked! So, of course I knew; HE HAS TO HAVE HER.

As soon as I got home I ran her to Mike's desk to display her in all of her glory so he could see her as soon as he got home.

A mermaid never lets you down. He came home, kissed me and went straight to his man cave office - like he always does, so predictable, my man. I yelled Happy Birthday! and he responded. Oh! Oh! She's beautiful! I Love her!

Yes my friend, and that was one of my proudest moments. I was more proud of myself than the year I bought him a Saga Genesis, more than when I got him his cappuccino machine, or his wicked warm slippers, or his $60 bottle of Tequila. Yes dear, THIS is the zenith, the grand apex and culmination of all gift-giving events. This is the gift that trumps them all.
When people came over last night to eat my glorious lasagna to celebrate his birthday I kept feeling so compelled to tell everyone that I had given my husband a naked woman for his birthday.

Mercy.
I need therapy.

 

 

To make it a good story lets just say that I didn't get her to sing to him and lure him to jump ship. I got her to celebrate the vast differences between the two of us. The differences that we have learned to appreciate, negotiate and work with for 20 years. The differences that help me appreciate every day the mystery and the miracle of marriage. She is to remind him that in spite of all of his crazy ways I just can't help but love him more and more every day.

Happy Birthday my dear! And by the way, she is made out of cast iron; and no, you can't strip her, she is naked already!

Welcome to my 1991 (part one)

1991 was an amazing year. Three major events in my life happened that year.

One, I graduated from Collage. I finally ended my what seemed like forever collegiate career when I received my very impressive BA in Psychology. Yeah Baby!

(I'm lovin' the 90s big hair)

Two, I snagged the very desirable and coveted title of MRS. Mind you that this was no ordinary Mrs. This was the Mrs. HARMS title. The one that came with the prodigious Miguel Harms attached to it. Acquiring him was no small feat I might add. It took me a full year to convince him that he was indeed in love with me, and that just being friends would never make the cut, for either of us. 20 years later, it has totally payed off.

 

We were poor... One of the ways we cut corners, regrettably, was with the photographer. Unfortunately I don't really have a real good picture of Mike and me with our "wedding clothes".  This will have to do. This picture was taken by somebody (probably my sister Linda, the "official" family photographer) right after we changed into our "going away" attire.

The next two pictures were taken by our wedding photographer, and I love them, they are my favorites, so I couldn't resist showing them off.

But.

A question:

Who gets married in July with a long sleeve wedding dress? In Texas? Yep, that would be me, clueless me!!!

 

 

Three. Along with the planning of a wedding is the ever so exciting task of choosing what you are going to ask everyone to give to you as a wedding gift, not realizing that you will be stuck with these choices for the rest of your life. The infamous registry. The dishes, the china, silverware, sheets, towels, you name it. A pretty fun occasion in the life of a woman. In hind sight, can I just say, if I had to do it all over again, I think I would just let my poor husband go shoot a rabbit or something instead of dragging him around trying to get him to "participate" and "be a part" in this whole decision making time. What do they know anyway? Seriously? What were we thinking?  Now that I have been married 20 years, I would NEVER, in a million years, ask Mike to come to the store with me to choose anything for my our home. If I took him he would probably choose something from the 90s. Mark my word. The 90s stuff  just hasn't come around yet. It's just not quite time for it to become retro.

Totally a side note here: If you are getting married, or you know someone who is, please tell her to not drag her man along to register (unless he begs you to, which he won't). Take your girlfriend instead, the one that you think has better taste than you. The husband (at least mine) doesn't really care. He just wants a towel that will dry him, a pot that will cook food, and a dish that will hold the food on it, and a fork that won't break when he tries to bring that food to his mouth. Sheets that will keep him warm at night and the wife that will be right next to him every night, for the rest of his life. Just pick what you like, he really doesn't care! Don't take him.

OK, so why on earth have I told you all of this? I totally got off on a tangent there. Stay tuned please. Because this isn't what I was really going to write about. And since it got to long you will have to wait till some time next week to feast on the 2012-1991.

The big (ugly) kitchen reveal!

I can't wait!

But, before I go, two more precious pictures. I can't help myself.

 

At the Hotel on our honeymoon

 

Our very first Christmas photo.

Oh! to be 21 and thin again!

Blessed 1991

The Love of my Life

I think Mike and I are going through some 18 year later honeymoon now. Seems like we are in the groove and outdoing each other in the love giving and serving areas. Wow wouldn’t it be nice if life were always like this!
I got to thinking sweet thoughts about him and began thinking about my childhood. Because I have always wondered: If we had met when we were kids, would we have liked each other? So today I thought, you know I think I did!
I am quite the romantic, always have been. So just sit back and indulge me.

It so happens that I went to the same school pretty much all my life, Saint Paul’s School, a private English, and Anglican run school in Vina del Mar, Chile. I started in 1st Grade and graduated with most of the same kids 12 years later in 1986. There was one boy in my class. He was a dream. I liked and loved him off and on all of my childhood. He was beautiful, funny, popular, athletic, a good friend, and… out of my league. He was my friend, yet nothing ever came of the two of us, a very hard lesson in life, but one worth going through. I always felt like there was something wrong with me, something I must change, I must not be lovable or worth loving.

At the same time, there was a part of me that had formed an image of some sort of the boy that I liked and that liked me too. He eluded me, but I would catch a glimpse of him, it would be in the face of the boy that I saw on the bus, the boy walking down the street, at the beach three towels down, or it would be one boy on the opposing boys hockey team. He was not that good looking, just a common guy, living a common life, no girls falling all over him, that had a twinkle in his eye and maybe looked my way even for just a second. This was “a boy” that I was comfortable with, a boy that liked me the way I was, and loved being with me. This boy didn’t need me to change; he didn’t want me to change. He just made me laugh and I would feel safe and well with him. He would feel safe and appreciated by me.

Boys came in and out of my life for years, loves and heartbreaks, till the day I met Mike. I think that is why I loved him so easy, so soon. Somewhere in my heart I must have been screaming “is it you? Is it really you? Have you come to know me and take me away?” I was convinced that Mike was the boy that I saw in all of those faces. It had to be him, because I never felt like I was less than I was, never felt like I had to be someone else. We were good friends for a good while. (Really, I was smitten) and it took me a year to convince him that he was in love with me. So stubborn, his baggage was heavy and he needed help letting go of it. But when it was all said and done…. A match made in heaven.

Just because we are getting along so well lately, and I am inspired and filled with love, and in the spirit of the season I just want to say how thankful I am for a dedicated mother that prayed for Mike every day of my life and for a dedicated mother-in-law that prayed for me every day of Mike’s life. Without them we would be a failure.

I used to think that this other classmate of mine was the love of my life, but it just wasn’t meant to be and that Mike had come to fill a big hole, which he was very capable of filling because until him, I really didn’t know what love was, he taught me what love was in so many ways. But I have now come to see it clearly. That little romantic girl deep in her heart had loved Mike the whole time. HE was the true love of my life and still is. When I look at pictures of him in his childhood, those years when my heart first started to seek him, I think, YES, that is who it was, that is him! The LOVE OF MY LIFE.