Monday, February 20, 2012

The Mermaid is naked!

My beloved husband just had a birthday. In order to protect his identity and his pride innocence I feel obligated to withhold his actual age.

Neither Mike or I am very good about giving gifts. If we want something, we just buy it. We buy our own toys, we pretty much don't trust each other with our very specific, picky tastes. This is how it usually goes:

 Text from me to Mike: I just finally found an amazing dutch oven that I have been wanting for years, and it's less than half the price of any other I have seen it! Wouldn't you love to get it for me for Christmas?

Answer from Mike: Buy it!

Mike does the same thing, he will either get something himself, or hand me over a flyer or web link so I can  get exactly what he specifically wants. This birthday was no different. I got him the leather wallet and leather book cover that he instructed me to get. The only thing I chose was the color. Thank goodness he like it! He was happy as can be and I was a proud wife.

Years (and years) ago Mike came upon some hideous little mermaid brass hook. Neither one of us even remembers where she came from, but I'm quite certain she surfaced some time during the 1990s.  There is no other way I could explain my disdain for her. I hated that mermaid. We would have fights over her. He wanted to hang her, but I refused to fold to the pressure to display of that THING! Are you kidding me? She is UGLY! And CHEESY! This is my castle and she will not be displayed anywhere where I can see her. Take her to your office, hang her there (by the neck!)

Poor girl. Here she is tucked away in his drawer. He refuses to let go of her.


Through the years she has become such a classic token of our difference in taste. (Please remember that this is the same guy that wears suspenders and safety glasses. Thank goodness I have at least trained him to not go out in public looking like that.)

So the other day, my good neighbor friend and I decided to go to our local flea market. In the back of my mind I could remember that the last time we had gone I had seen some interesting mermaids, and thought perhaps it would be a fantastic joke of a gift to get him. However, for some reason I had talked myself out of buying him one. This time, however, this enchantress - she beckoned me, and like a true mermaid does she sang to me, and bewitched me. I couldn't resist. Suddenly she was beautiful and alluring...oh my, she is naked! So, of course I knew; HE HAS TO HAVE HER.

As soon as I got home I ran her to Mike's desk to display her in all of her glory so he could see her as soon as he got home.

A mermaid never lets you down. He came home, kissed me and went straight to his man cave office - like he always does, so predictable, my man. I yelled Happy Birthday! and he responded. Oh! Oh! She's beautiful! I Love her!

Yes my friend, and that was one of my proudest moments. I was more proud of myself than the year I bought him a Saga Genesis, more than when I got him his cappuccino machine, or his wicked warm slippers, or his $60 bottle of Tequila. Yes dear, THIS is the zenith, the grand apex and culmination of all gift-giving events. This is the gift that trumps them all.
When people came over last night to eat my glorious lasagna to celebrate his birthday I kept feeling so compelled to tell everyone that I had given my husband a naked woman for his birthday.

I need therapy.




To make it a good story lets just say that I didn't get her to sing to him and lure him to jump ship. I got her to celebrate the vast differences between the two of us. The differences that we have learned to appreciate, negotiate and work with for 20 years. The differences that help me appreciate every day the mystery and the miracle of marriage. She is to remind him that in spite of all of his crazy ways I just can't help but love him more and more every day.

Happy Birthday my dear! And by the way, she is made out of cast iron; and no, you can't strip her, she is naked already!

1 comment:

  1. Love, love, love your blog, Susan!!! So creative!!! And such a great love story!!!!!! Glad I could be part of it. :-) Tepe