A Reason to Run (Part 2)

 

  

 

The one place where I learn to show up

 

 

 

 

She was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs with her white paws dancing and her black tail enthusiastically wagging because she knew what was about to happen. A few minutes earlier I had heard the excited whimper that she couldn’t contain because her well trained ears recognized the sound of the drawer opening. When I opened it I wondered, as I usually do, Shall I wear the black or the white running skorts today? Do I pair it with the gray or coral shirt? All other drawers, when opened, fall on deaf ears, but this one, this one she knows. She awaits the faint sound of the intimate embrace of my shoe-laces, and of my wrist taken captive by its watchful judge. She can’t contain her excitement. She knows. She always knows.

It was that spring day on which we all heard the sound of the collective Texan sigh; it was the first day that the devil woke up before the rest of us and began to spread the sweltering, oppressive stench of deadly steam that he exhales when he proudly yawns. It was the day we each had to decide: Do I face the hot demon and learn to live along side him for the next few months, or do I lock myself up in my cave and turn down the A/C as low as my pocket book allows me?

My selfish wimpy self wanted to go to the gym, but Lizzy’s hopeful eyes and excited leaps convinced me otherwise. I just didn’t have the heart to let her down.  I smiled, gave her an excited “Let’s go!”- And we headed out the door, into the sweltering heat.

 

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I wanted to stay under my covers reading my favorite book instead of giving into my youngest son’s pleas to read him a chapter from his favorite book. It’s hard to pick up the car keys and drive my oldest to soccer when what I really want to do is send my exhausted husband instead. How many slow motion bicycle rides have I endured in order to spend some quality time with my small ones in the great outdoors?  How many last pieces of pie have I let go of? How many times did I have to give up the last sip of ice cold water on a sizzling hot day?

Not enough. 

Sometimes we just need to head out the door. In the end, I may be hot, sweating, and nurturing a headache the size of hell itself. But as soon as I’m done, close the door behind me, and feel the relief of the welcoming cool air to relieve my salty, sweat-laden skin, not only am I thankful that I had a good run, but so is my excited, and perhaps (I’d like to think) even thankful, dog.              

It is so hard sometimes to let go of my selfish agenda in order to give joy to others. But most of the time I realize, just as I did on that hot day as I delighted in Lizzy’s elation, that reading to my boy till my throat is parched, watching my other improve his soccer skills, riding my bike alongside the snail and giving up the last piece of pie are totally worth it. There is no joy greater and more satisfying than enjoying the pleasure of others.

Heading out the door is worth it.

It is time to get hot and delight in the happiness of those I love.

What I learned in September

One of my favorite blogs, Chatting at the Sky, authored by Emily Freeman, who is not only an amazing and inspiring blogger, but also an amazing and inspiring author, hosts a monthly link party in which she shares some random, sometimes funny, sometimes insightful, and sometimes useful things that she has learned during the month. She invites her readers do link up and do the same. Since I live in a perpetual state of writers block, writers insecurity and writers procrastination, and I need to be inspired and pushed to make an appearance on my always neglected space, I decided it was time to come back. This pushed me and inspired me enough to dedicate myself to a little comeback, random as it is.

With no further ado, here is what I learned in September.

1.       I don’t think I want to have short hair after all. Brown, yes. This short, no. Fortunately, I got the itch out of my system without shedding any tears.
 

       Whatever you do, NEVER make a drastic change to your hairstyle with a new stylist. Yes, I learned that too.

 

2.       Komodo Dragon Dark Coffee from Starbucks is the best coffee EVER. Where have you been all my life, oh dragon? If you love coffee and you have never had this blend, you are seriously missing out in life. Go now and buy some. I'll go ahead and say it now. You are welcome.
 

3.       I get mad at my children when they get sick, because, you know, they aren’t allowed to get sick. Yes, mad. As in what??!!!?? You are what??!!! How many times have I told you to NEVER get sick? ugh... Bad mommy, bad.

4.       The word hysterical comes from the Greek word for uterus. Yet to be ballsy means that you are brave?

   So. Not. Cool.

5.       I crave solitude desperately. I learn this every month.

6.       Homeschooling one child and sending the other to Public School seems and feels totally weird. We have our reasons, good ones, but I always feel like I have to explain myself as if I was doing something wrong. I need to work harder on dismissing other people’s opinions. They probably don’t have one anyway, they don’t care, Susan. Get over it. I will be learning this every month too.

First Day of school

7.       I’m in denial. I don’t want to come to terms with the fact that I am very disappointed in the last season of Fringe. I waited and waited for it to come out on Netflix. Seriously?

      And speaking of Fringe. Did you know that Anna Torv (Olivia) is Australian and she has to fake her American accent? Who knew?

8. Funniest video I watched in September:

     If you are married and you need a good laugh (who doesn't?) You must watch this. MUST!

 

 

 

So if you will excuse me, I have some business to do.

Waiting for the Ripe Time

My church is going through a message series on love, marriage and sex. I was asked again to contribute to our church’s devotions website and assigned some pretty challenging verses in Song of Solomon. Since I don’t have to be a scholar in order to write this, I did exactly what I was told to do, which is write whatever God had laid on my heart. Unfortunately, I am given a 300 word parameter on the subject. Keeping my devotional to 300 words is more than half of my challenge. I thought and prayed quite a bit about the matter. I began to write.

When I wrote it I was at the heels of finishing up (for the second time) one of my favorite novels: The Shadow of the Wind. In this book there is no such thing as describing anything with a single word.

Carlos Ruiz Zafon, its author, describes an unused pen as “the best pair of gloves ever given to someone with no hands”, he depicts a rain cloud as a bruise in the sky, and a storm as a reef of clods and lightning racing across the sky from the sea. When I read, “A stream of black water converged in the center of the narrow street and made its way, like a funeral procession, toward the heart of the Raval quarter” to simply state that I had a peach tree in my backyard was impossible.

Fortunately, this here is my space and I get to be the boss of my words and write as many as I please. And you, my dear reader, get to read the entire 525 word devotional that, after 3 more tries, got condensed to its final polished and edited version that you can read here.

 

*****

 

The peach tree was the largest fruit tree in our bountiful back yard. For my best friend Marcela and me, it was a jungle gym with monkey bars as well as a sanctuary and a castle whose boughs were our thrones. It was the bearer of our preteen giggles and the keeper of our cherished secrets. On its branches lay the sweet fruit that would soon become a banquet for our lazy summer afternoons. On one early summer afternoon, when our brows were seating and our stomachs were growling and we could no longer wait for summertime to take its course, we decided it was time to reach toward the closest peach our friendly tree we could offer us. We knew good and well that perhaps our choice would not be the wisest (or the tastiest). Somewhere deep within our beings we understood that we were deceiving ourselves into thinking that it would actually taste as good as what we thought we deserved on this hot, enticing summer day. We were, after all, hot and we were hungry. We wanted it NOW. So we took it.

My dear friend Marcela didn’t even make it down our tree before our green prize found its way back up her esophagus. I, on the other hand, was doomed to hours of intestinal discomfort. Both of us were left with the sour taste in our mouths. Even to this day, if I think about it, I can still savor its bitterness. If only we had waited for our tree to unlock its mouth-watering sweetness in its due time.

Fortunately, I can recall a considerably more satisfying peach from another time and another place. This peach was so sweet and juicy, I had to eat it outside and bent over. I managed to get it all over my hands, my face and all the way down my chin. I had never tasted something so good and succulent in my entire life.

As we explore together the topic of love and sex in the next few weeks and recall its lessons in the years to come, remember this story. Remember that sex, when experienced before its due time (outside of marriage), will leave a lingering bitter taste in your soul and an ache in your heart that will be impossible to forget. Remember that waiting will yield the purest and sweetest joy that you will continue to enjoy for years to come.

Please know, however, that if your mouth is already bitter and your heart is full of ache and regret, there is another story that should be remembered, the story of the father and mother of the man that pinned these verses: David and Bathsheba. Know that you can move forward, let Christ release any bitterness and ache that may have been left behind. Don’t forget that grace sweeps in and frees us all. He blots out our transgressions, washes away our iniquity and cleanses us from sin (Psalm 51 1-2); he restores in us the joy of our salvation (v. 12). The beautiful sweetness of redemption leaves no room for shame; the aftertaste is that of pure succulent joy.

 

Letting go and letting them grow up

 

 



There I stood at the American Airlines ticket counter, my hair in a disheveled mess, sporting a style otherwise known as “bed head”; wearing my yoga pants, sweat shirt and flip-flops. I hadn’t bothered putting on any make-up; no one would notice me at 8 a.m. anyway. Once I got home I would be going for a late morning run. Hopefully life would go on as usual because I had rolled out of bed that morning with a small knot in my stomach, one that each passing minute had made bigger and bigger, tighter and tighter.

 

There he stood at 14, almost 6 feet tall, wearing his favorite American Eagle jeans, Sperry shoes and a t-shirt that read “Orphan’s Heart”. In his hand he held a boarding pass and was about to take off on a plane headed to Guatemala – without me.

 

I want to do this mom, I really want to, he had said.

 

It was hard to let him go. Is he doing the right thing? Will he get up in time? Will he make it to the bus in time every morning? Will he loose his money, or, heaven forbid, his passport? Will he behave in a way that will make me proud? Will he get hurt, lost, or be afraid? Will he leave something behind? Did he remember his toothbrush? Did he pack enough underwear? Will he yearn to come back home?

 

My tears stopped at the back of my throat. I could hardly swallow. I was a complete mess.

 

***

 

There I stood at our local “Sprouts” grocery store, all dolled up, having a good hair day. My socks matched my shirt, and so did my ring. They were yellow, in case you were wondering. I was confused and overwhelmed. My cart was filled to the rim with fresh fruits and vegetables. I don’t know how it got so full. Groceries just kept piling in, oranges, grapefruit, apples, pomegranates, bananas, dates, mung beans …what?…black beans, rice, strawberries, blueberries, spinach, celery, lettuce, pineapple, almonds, and cashews- to name a few. My hands were sweating and my heart was aching.

 

I’m thrilled that he wants to be healthy, but does he have to go this far? Is my cooking not good enough for him anymore? Is what we have provided for him all these years so bad?

 

I want to be a vegan mom, I really want to, he had said.

 

It was hard to let him go. Is he doing the right thing? Has he thought this through? Does he understand how much planning this will take? Does he know how expensive his lifestyle will be? Does he know how hungry he will feel all the time? Will he get enough protein? Will he be malnourished? Will he become anemic, weak, or dilapidated? He has no clue. Neither do I.

 

I walked around in a daze. I was a complete mess.

 

***

 

 

There I stood in the middle of my kitchen after a long day at work and two trips to the grocery store, cramping so painfully I could hardly keep my legs from giving way underneath me, his precious 12 year old eyes pleading with me to make cookies with him. I had promised. I have no idea what I had on; I have no idea what I looked like. I just knew I needed to get to my bed. After breaking his heart and laying my wary body to rest (I felt like I was going to die), he ran up to my room moments later, “Dad said he would clean up!  Can I make them mom? Can I make them by myself? I know how to do it,” he said.

 

It was hard to let him loose in my kitchen. What if he breaks my bowl? What if he forgets to add the salt? What if flour spews all over the place? What if the cookies burn? What if he gets burned?

 

I lay in bed in agony. I was a complete mess.

 

***

 

It is so hard to love. It is even harder to begin to let go of the ones we love.

 

There comes a time when letting go is the most loving thing to do. It’s when continuing to make choices and do everything for our children becomes more about me than it does about them. It’s a time to let those choices be lessons of consequences, endurance and perseverance. It’s also time for me to let go of blaming myself for every stupid decision they make and taking the credit for every good one.  

 

Big mistakes happen, and we learn to let them happen as we go to bed at night with our soaked Kleenex tightly clutched in our hand, fervently praying and our hearts moaning with every ounce of our being.

 

This is when bright, selfless, adult-like choices begin to take place as we beam with so much joy in our hearts we feel like we are going to explode.

 

As a parent I find that this has become one of the most painful and yet joyful stages yet. It is not just a test of patience and endurance for them, but for me as well. It is teaching me that whether we look like it or not, with disheveled hair or a perfect hair day; whether we feel like it or not, suffering in agonizing pain or going for a 5mile run, the loving grace of the only one to whom they have always belonged to in the first place is the only hope that me and my messy self can count on. My attempts at being the best mother I can be in the midst of my selfishness and inadequacies have always hung onto and will continue to always hang onto the One who knew what he was doing when he entrusted them to me.

 

 

 

Here is a short update on my stories.

 

Isaac’s visit to Guatemala was a fabulous, life changing trip. He came home without a scratch, and I hear from his grandfather, who went on this trip with him, that he was an amazing, hard worker and loved member of the team.

Photo credit to Jeanette Williams Lethers

And although he is not a vegan, Isaac is the most healthy, conscientious eater in our home. I’m so proud of his hard work and his discipline in wanting to live a healthy lifestyle.

 

Elijah’s cookies were perfect! But then again, this was coming from a child that could follow directions from any LEGO kit as early as age 4, so, I honestly wasn’t surprised. We have made cookies dozens of times, and I know he is a quick learner. I’m not sure who was responsible for what; all I know is that after a couple of Advil PM and a good night’s sleep, I woke up like a new person to a clean kitchen.

Are you in the midst of letting go? what are the lessons you are learning along the way?



Fish Tacos

 

 

Because I grew up on the South American Pacific Coast, in Viña del Mar, Chile, I ate freshly caught fish at least once a week. I love fish in most any form, shape, or size. Seafood in general makes me happy. That is one of the reasons I love this dish so much. I also love it because it houses two other of my taste bud, and childhood belly happiness triggers: avocado and cilantro.

 

Oh! the joys of a fresh summer dish!

 

 

 

 

The secret to a great Fish Taco is in the slaw, otherwise all you have is a piece is fish wrapped in a corn tortilla. I'm always searching for the greatest Fish Taco. My favorite restaurant Fish Taco is at a local joint here in McKinney, where I live. My favorite homemade Fish Tacos are these. Since you probably don't live here, and you are in the mood for a delicious homemade meal (otherwise you wouldn't be here, right?), I suggest that you run to the grocery store, purchase these ingredients, and make yourself and your family some killer yummy slaw.

 

 

 

 

 

Fish Tacos

 

olive oil

tilapia fillets

*Corn tortillas

 

 

Slaw

 

1 bag of slaw

1/3 cup sour cream

1/4 cup mayonnaise

1 Tbsp. fresh lime juice

1 tbsp. white wine vinegar

1 chipotle pepper (in adobo sauce)

1 tsp. adobo sauce 

pinch of salt

1big handful of cilantro

once your taco is assembled add a touch of lime and some avocado (it's optional, but not really)

Make your slaw in the morning.

The day I took these pictures I made the slaw with slightly more sour cream and mayonnaise. I thought  it turned out too creamy, so I adjusted the amounts in the listed recipe. If it isn't creamy enough for you, you can always add more, but you can never take it out. Remember that when you first make slaw (of any kind) it never looks like there is enough mayonnaise in it. It does, trust me,  just give it a few hours to settle and you will see.

Also, if you want a more "healthy" version, you can substitute fat free plain yogurt for the sour cream, and a low fat mayonnaise. I personally like this version way better, and I would rather eat less of it than more of the "not as yummy" version.

 



I forgot to add cilantro before taking the previous picture. Chop up your cilantro good and add it to the slaw.

I love making this dish in the summer. Because once I have the slaw made, all I have to do in the evening is sauté my fish in olive oil and warm up some tortillas. It is a super fast dish for my family to enjoy after a long day at the water park.

* I failed to photograph them, but I found some great, new tortillas made by Mission. They are called: Artisan Style Tortillas, Corn and Whole Wheat Blend. I like them because they don't tear as soon as you fold them. They have a mild corn taste, and as the package sais, they are "softer and foldable". Try them. Or, you can use regular corn tortillas. Just don't come crying to me when you take your first bite and the whole thing falls apart.

Stay satisfied, my friends!

what i wore wednesday #8 CRUISE EDITION

June 23rd - June 30th I was aboard the Carnival Magic Cruise ship on an unforgettable 7 day voyage that took us to Montego Bay, Jamaica, Grand Cayman Island and Cozumel, Mexico.

I may later share some pictures and tales from my vacation, but since I took over 600 pictures -can you believe it?!- it may be a while before I can narrow them down for you. In the meantime I will give you a sneak peak at what I wore to dinner every night. I packed a suitcase and a half of clothes and 8 pair of shoes for a seven day trip. How does that work? Well, as it turns out, most of those clothes were "just in case" clothes anyway, and most days I hung out in my bathing suit all day anyway!

Let me also say that as the self proclaimed photographer of this 7 day event, the odds of getting me into a picture were quite small. Thankfully my son Isaac loves to be given the camera, and is always a willing protégé to his crazy mom that will only allow him to lay hands on the camera if it is securely wrapped around his neck.

With no further ado, here is my what I wore to dinner on my Cruise vacation:

 

 

 

First Evening

Shirt: Old Navy; White Jeans: Old Navy; Shoes: Franco Sarto (via DSW); Necklace and Earrings: Target

 

 

Second Evening
First "formal" dinner


Dress: American Eagle (via Ross); Shoes: Franco Sarto (via DSW)

 

 

I don't exactly remember why, but I didn't get a picture taken the third night. I recon it was because we spent the day in Montego Bay and we were in quite a rush to get ready for dinner once we got back on the ship.

 

Forth Evening

 

I must let you know that on the 4th day we were in Grand Cayman. Our family chartered a boat that took us out to swim with sting rays, and then on to do some snorkeling. I had, up until that point, not had any sea sickness issues at all. But once we got onto the small charter boat and got to bobbing in the Caribbean waters, I got sick like I NEVER have in my life. OH MY! Our charter Captain seemed to think that perhaps I had swallowed some salt water while swimming with the sting rays. By the time we got to the reef, I was so miserable, I was crying, and the proceeded to expel what little breakfast was left in my stomach. Although it helped, I was mostly beyond repair by then. The one thing that I had looked forward to the most, snorkeling, was no longer going to be the best memory from my voyage.

After boarding the ship I felt much better, and then even better yet after downing a nice cold ginger ale. Try as I may to doctor up this next photo, I have not been able to wipe off the look of death off my face. I really didn't want to post this picture, but I love the dress so much, that I just couldn't not show it off. so here is the forth evening:

Dress: Banana Republic Outlet

Although my previous dress got lots of compliments, the next outfit won the prize in the WOW department. I was feeling and looking a lot better too.

 

Fifth Evening

Shirt: LOFT; Linen pants: Old Navy ($8 clearance last fall!!); Earrings: Target; Shoes: Ross

 

Sixth Evening

Second "formal" evening

Linen Skirt: LOFT; Sequin shirt: J.Crew Outlet; Shoes: Ross Necklace and earrings: Vera Wang, Kohls 

Seventh and final Evening

 



Dress: Ross; Necklace and earrings: Target



 

 

 

 And now, here are a few of my favorite touristy pictures of the family.

 

 

 

 Montego Bay, Jamaica.

 

 

Grand Cayman Island

Cozumel, Mexico

And my favorite picture of all: Fidel Castro and I met up in Cozumel and got a little fresh with each other!



Cozumel, Mexico. Shirt: LOFT; Shorts: J.Crew Outlet; Earrings: Target

what i wore wednesday #7

Here we are again, playing dress up and showing off for another edition of what I wore Wednesday.


The day I took the boys to Plato's Closet, I bought these jeans. Although they are cute and very comfy, by the end of the day they were practically falling off of me. I don't like wearing baggie pants :( but, I'll live... 






Jeans: ELLE; Shirt: Old Navy; Sweater: Gap Outlet; Flip Flops: Teva

Headed off to Church

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Skirt: made by me! Shirt: Eddie Bauer (ancient); Necklace: Charming Charlie (and then altered by me)
bracelet made by me; shoes Ancient Target 

You may have noticed my new toy! Clearly I have a lot of learning to do, but, for now, give me some grace and lets see if I can work on some improvements!

Beef Stroganoff

When was the last time you went to a Restaurant and ordered Beef Stroganoff?

It's crazy, I know!

What is it about this dish that has made it disappear into the archives of the 70s along with pet rocks, mood rings and the psychedelic hippie vans?

Perhaps it's the fact that it is made with a combination of red meat, condensed beef broth and, gasp, a 1/2 pint of sour cream, all three which are big no-no's in this day in time. However, I'm not so convinced that this is the case. Consider the fact that you can still get the ever so popular Fettuccine Alfredo just about anywhere; a dish made with a combination of the evilest of carbs and the evilest of saturated fats.

I just don't get it, this stuff is to die for!

One of my favorite meals in the world has gone out of style. However, just as the bell bottoms, platform shoes (aka wedges!),  Farrah Fawcett hair, and crochet clothes have made it back into our lives, I am campaigning to bring back this amazing dish.

So folks, it's time to plug in your lava lamps, put on your tie-dye shirts, blow the dust off of your ABBA records (or the Bee Gees, Donna Summer, Village People, whoever rocks your 70s world). Lets make this groovy dish for our families. We will all be dancing the boogie when we're done.

Beef Stroganoff

  

 1 lb. sirloin steak, cut up into thin strips
1 T. flour
1/2 tsp. salt
2 T.  butter (for browning beef)
4oz. can sliced mushrooms (drained)
1/2 cup chopped onions
1 garlic clove, minced

2 T. butter
3 T. flour
1 can condensed beef broth
1 T. tomato paste
1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1 C. sour cream

Hot Noodles
 

Coat your beef strips in flour and salt (I throw them all in ziplock bag to coat evenly). In a skillet with  2Tbsp. of butter, brown beef quickly, then add onions, garlic and mushrooms and brown an additional 3-4 minutes. This is what it should look like:

 

 



because I have a teen boy that eats like a horse and a husband that takes leftovers to work,
I put more meat in. don't be fooled by the amount of meat here, which is about 1 and 1/2 pounds. This recipe calls for only 1 lb.)

Now, put the meat on a plate. Add 2 Tbsp. of butter and 3 Tbsp. of flour to your skillet, get all of the crusties scraped off and brown your rue for a couple of minutes.

Turn heat down, add the can of condensed beef broth and stir quickly to dissolve the flour. It will thicken fast. Then add tomato paste and Worcestershire sauce.

Return meat mixture to skillet, and make sure it gets hot again.

Add 8oz. tub of sour cream. Make sure it all gets warm but:

DO NOT BOIL!



Serve over hot noodles.

While you're at it, make sure you wash it down with some TAB. Then go veg out for several hours on your waterbed.

This is wicked ya'll!

 

 

what i wore wednesday #6

Welcome to another week of what i wore wednesday.

So my kids are finally out of school. They are already bored and I'm already sick of them sitting in front of a screen (computer, ipod, TV, phone, whatever). Since they had both been begging me to take them to Plato's Closet for days, and I was antsy to get us all out of the house, I took them under the condition that we could also go to another half million places. They were good sports and we each came home with a little something.

So I began my day looking like this:

After showing a tremendous amount of restraint at the J. Crew Outlet (40% off of everything!) store, and moving at lightning speed because our day was going really good and I didn't want to push my boys shopping patience too far, I exited swiftly and happily with a baggie containing these adorable shorts!

 

An hour later we were headed to the Movie Theater.  Everyone knows it's a bad idea to wear shorts to the movies, even in Texas summer. One must also always have a backup sweater handy!

 

 I headed back out the door looking like this:

Iron Man 3, here we come.




White top: Gap Outlet; boyfriend jeans: Old Navy

OMGosh!! It was so Amaaahzing!!!

 

I bought these wedges at Target about 5 years ago, and I always forget that I have them. But I love it when I remember! it's like having new shoes every time.  And those toe nails! I know, right? They make me feel like a totally cool mom.

 

 

 

 

This is what I wore to church last Sunday:

Top: J. Crew Outlet; Jeans: Gap Outlet; shoes: Old Navy; Necklace: made by me, check it out here

This is all I've got this week. But I'm giddy beyond belief because BROWN delivered my new toy yesterday, and I'm hoping it will revolutionize my blogging... and my life. Yeah, right...
At any rate, I can't wait to show you.


Happy wedge wearing day! And if you don't have any, go buy some NOW.